How to find out my husband is cheating
As the ones that hunt down cheaters, private investigators know all of the signs that indicate someone is hiding something - or someone. We spoke to a top private investigator - a former federal agent - about the obvious signs someone is cheating, as well as the lesser-known red flags, and when it is time to panic. Tom Martin told The Independent that cheaters always follow the same patterns. Having seen identical signs over the last 40 years, Martin, the president of Martin Investigative Services in Newport Beach, California, wrote the book Seeing Life through Private Eyes , where he lists the 20 most telling clues that may indicate infidelity. And while they seem pretty obvious, he says that spotting one or two of them isn't a reason to worry.
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Suspicions of a cheating husband can leave you with a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach. You feel that something is just not right, but you really can't put your finger on anything specific. While it's a common saying that "if you suspect he's cheating, he probably is", having something more solid to go on helps.
The following information can give you clues that your spouse may be straying, as well as tips on how to proceed. Suspicion of infidelity is a horrible thing. It can cause insecurity, anxiety, fear, sleeplessness, depression, and can occupy your thoughts and mind all hours of the day and night.
You begin to speculate: What did I do to drive him away? Did I love him enough? Did I smother him? Will I ever trust him again? Will our relationship ever be the same? What does the other person have that I don't? After a while your health can suffer and your performance at work can suffer. I have been a private investigator for over fifteen years and have conducted many domestic investigations, performed many background checks, and many, many hours of surveillance.
Throughout the years, I have become sensitive to the "red flags" that may indicative that someone in a relationship was being unfaithful. Also, please note that I am not an attorney and am not providing legal advice. When in doubt, check with your attorney or other legal advisor - especially in matters regarding your partner's privacy.
So, let me share with you a number of subtle and not-so-subtle clues that you should be aware of, should you suspect that your spouse or partner is being unfaithful. While none of these "red flags" automatically mean you are being deceived, they should be regarded as possible indicators of deceit, to determine if further investigation is warranted.
Usually, the thing that will tip you off is a change in behavior. So, let's look at just a few of the behaviors that you might observe, if your loved one was being unfaithful:. Again, let me reiterate that these behaviors are only indicators of a cheating husband and are not absolutes. Some cheating husbands are very deceitful and can cover their tracks superbly. They may become more attentive in an effort to compensate for the fact that their attentions are going elsewhere.
They behave like "model" parents in an effort to alleviate their guilt. They can juggle the extra-marital relationship, while tending to the marriage in a seemingly flawless way. They may also have friends that will help them to get out of the house or provide alibis for the cheater. These are the people who are the hardest to catch, and the ones who cause the most pain when they are finally caught. If you accuse your partner and are mistaken, you risk causing unnecessary and irreparable damage to your relationship…damage that may take a lot of time to recover from.
And, even if you are correct, it's quite possible that your spouse will be able to explain his behavior in a manner that's sufficient to cause you raise reasonable doubt. And, because he is now aware that you are suspicions, he will be even more careful and more guarded, making it much more difficult for you to determine the truth.
If you become suspicious, don't treat the cheater any differently and don't interfere. Now is the time for careful observation, and not for anger. The cheater will eventually be found out, so it's important to be patient, observant, and to make note of patterns of behavior. After some patient observation you'll probably be able to provide a great deal of helpful information to a professional investigator, so that the investigator can obtain the documentation you need.
The more information you have regardless of whether you think it's important or not , the greater the likelihood an investigator can determine the truth…and do it in the most cost-effective manner. A final word of caution: If you think a spouse or partner is misbehaving while you're out of town, you may consider pretending to plan a trip out of town, in order to conduct your own surveillance and confirm your suspicions.
You should be discouraged from doing this is because if your suspicions are confirmed, your emotions may cause you to react in a manner that is counter-productive. Emotions can make all us behave in a reactionary way, and at moments like this, it's vitally important to keep a cool head. So, if this idea still appeals to you, consider having a private investigator conduct surveillance during this time.
How do you handle it? If your intention is to file for divorce if your suspicion is confirmed, then first seek the counsel of an attorney. Find out about how to protect yourself financially, and get an understanding of the laws regarding child custody and support. If you feel you absolutely must confront the alleged cheater, make sure to do so at a time when he is not rushed or running late. You want him to have time to speak with you.
Before you actually confront him, ask simple, non-invasive questions to get an idea of his general attitude and willingness to talk in general. You will do this for the same reason that a person operating a polygraph machine might: to establish an idea of their "baseline".
So, for example, ask what he wants for breakfast, or what he has planned for the day…or anything else that he can respond to easily. Then just observe his general behavior. You can expect him to be defensive. He may become evasive and reply with something like, "What makes you think that? Or, he may get indignant and say "Why on earth would you say such a thing? Often, innocent people will respond directly by saying, "Yes" or "No". They are more likely to respond to your inquiry directly, kindly and patiently.
They are more likely to show that they are willing to discuss your concerns and to address those things that caused you to doubt in the first place. Cheaters are generally very uncomfortable about addressing the issue and may "explode" and become very defensive and angry.
This is where a private investigators documentation and report can come in handy because they can provide undeniable truth that can reveal his lies and deceits. Finally: Do not resort to violence. I cannot stress this enough. Criminal charges and possible jail time will cause you to suffer and will keep you from making sure the cheater gets what they deserve.
If your spouse or partner is cheating on you, it forces you into making some very important decisions. The decisions are not only about your own future, but also about your children's future as well.
We make our best decisions when we know the truth and understand the reality of things. So, the first step is always to determine the unbiased, objective truth. To make sure that you know the truth, consider retaining the services of a professional investigator. They have the experience to deal with these matters objectively and clear-headedly.
They also have the equipment necessary to obtain the proof you'll need in case you go to court. And if you have an attorney, your investigator should work with them to make sure that their combined efforts focus on making sure you reap the maximum benefit.
Keith L. He is a licensed private investigator with over 15 years of experience. Contact him at or email him at: keith discovery-services. Copyright Here are some more articles that you may help you understand a cheating husband and help you overcome the devastation of an affair:. Recent Articles. Tips for healing your pain and boosting your level of life satisfaction. Read More. Doing your own divorce is tempting, especially if money is tight.
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30 Subtle Signs Your Husband Is Cheating
Finding out that your partner has been unfaithful can hit you like a ton of bricks. Your marriage may be thrown into a state of crisis that may destroy it. It is natural to want to know why your partner cheated, but there is rarely a simple answer to why someone becomes unfaithful. It could be a symptom of other problems in your marriage, it could relate to something in your partner's past, or it could be totally unrelated to you or to your marriage.
Suspicions of a cheating husband can leave you with a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach. You feel that something is just not right, but you really can't put your finger on anything specific. While it's a common saying that "if you suspect he's cheating, he probably is", having something more solid to go on helps. The following information can give you clues that your spouse may be straying, as well as tips on how to proceed.
Signs of a Cheating Husband
No one will argue that it is incredibly painful to consider the possibility of your husband cheating on you. However, if you have reasons to suspect that he is cheating—or think you do—then it is time to start looking for the signs that he is being unfaithful. The longer you put off dealing with this devastating situation, the worse you will feel if you find out he has not been honest with you. If you want to know if your husband has been cheating on you, then you should look at what he says and does around you, and pay attention to what has changed. If you want to know whether he is cheating, just follow these steps. To find out if your husband is cheating, keep an eye on his phone in case he gets a suspicious message from someone you've never heard of. You can also check his Facebook if he leaves it logged in on a computer. If you're sure he's cheating and want evidence, consider following him in a friend's car to see where he's going. Alternatively, check in on him when he's working late or watching the game at a friend's house to catch him lying to you.
8 Tips for Coping When Your Partner Is Unfaithful
People cheat. Not everyone, not all the time, but extramarital affairs are downright common. Even now, in the age of serial divorces and polyamory, when marriage is as flexible — and even disposable — as it ever has been, devoted husbands and wives succumb to temptation. When looking for evidence, partners usually turn to spy apps. These secretive phone apps track everything a person does and where the person goes.
Listen to what your partner has to say. Was it a one-time thing? If not, how long have they been seeing each other and how often were they seeing each other?
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